THE REAL NEWS *** POP QUIZ ON LIFE #7

1. What does a reindeer taste like?

a. Santacide

b. Chicken

c. new PETA slogan

2. What is PETA?

a. People Ethically Treating Animals

b. People Eating Tasty Animals

c. All of the Above

d. A bread to stuff food in

3. What will be the HOT job in 2002?

a. Gunsmith

b. Terrorist Profiler

c. Unemployed Ad Exec

d. Snake Oil Schill

4. If the White House needed a color change, what would it be?

a. Beige and Maroon

b. Camouflage Green

c. Battleship Gray

d. Neon Highway Cone Orange

5. The Battle Between the Monitor and Merrimac was:

a. An East Coast newspaper circulation war

b. a famous high school hallway incident outside the detension room

c. The fusion of the computer monitor and hardware in original Macintosh computer

d. Some footnote in a history book

6. True or False: Do any of these questions have correct answers?

7. If limited human cloning was allowed, who would scientists not be allowed to clone?

a. Eric Cartman

b. Dan Rather

c. Tom Brokow

d. Peter Jennings

8. If cross-cloning with Dolly the Sheep was allowed, who should scientists cross-clone?

a. Eric Cartman

b. Dan Rather

c. Tom Brokaw

d. Peter Jennings

9. If a boy boards the subway train at 9:15 a.m. and doubles the number of people awake in the car, but at each station, two more people arrive than leave the train, but if you exclude all persons under five foot in height, and there are least four station platforms before the boy exits the train, and he is carrying two parcels containing four objects each, and he is late for dinner, how many shoes is he wearing before boarding the train if he sold all his possessions to a hobo prior to boarding?

10. What is your best photograph?

a. Drivers license photo

b. Police mugshot

11. What is not a good name for your first born child?

a. Bankruptcy

b. Oops

c. Enfotainment

12. If you were to start a new religion next thursday, what would be its principal philosophy?

a. Peace

b. Prosperity

c. Peace and Prosperity

d. Self-Preservation

13. Think of your absolute favorite, must have, all-time favorite food. Now, would you give that up forever in exchange for an unlimited supply of your second favorite food?

14. If the United States had to change its current motto, what should it change it to?

a. IN GOD WE FEAR

b. STATES RULE, DUDE!

c. IF THE INK IS RUNNY, IT AIN'T LEGAL MONEY

d. WE'RE SORRY, YOUR MAJESTY