DNA DAVE

 

David Letterman is about to give birth to a new Bit. Literally.

Well, actually, if he dons a mask and surgical gown, he will see the birth of his new Bit.

Dave is in a family way. He is about to start his family.

Immediately the world is wondering what the Top 10 Reasons for Not Changing a Diaper is.

Or Top 10 Reasons for Not Getting Out of Bed for the 3 a.m. Feeding.

Or the Top 10 Celebrity Baby Names.

Or the Top 10 Reasons Paul Schaeffer should (should not) be your child's godfather.

Or the Top 10 Reasons A man in his mid-fifties decides to start a family. Well, that is really quite easy:

Number 10: After a heart condition that nearly cost him his life, he decides that it is time to settle down to a traditional family life.

Number 9: After 9/11, it hits home that life is short. If you are missing something, or putting something off, you may never have the chance to do it.

Number 8: When you have amassed a wealthly nest egg, and your estate planners continually ask you where you want your money to go when you die, since you can't take it with you, you begin to reflect on passing on your legacy to someone.

Number 7: You see colleagues, many much younger than you, have children and a stable marriage; things you thought would interfere with your career.

Number 6: Human nature abhors the idea of dying alone. Families take care of family members.

Number 5: In all the swank society cocktail parties, you are uncomfortably excluded from the married with children stories and laughter about the weird things babies and children get themselves into.

Number 4: You strongly wonder whether it is true that one of the benefits of raising children is that you get to vicariously relive your childhood through your kids.

Number 3: The idea of living the rest of your life as a single bachelor with no heirs leads to the photographic impression in your mind of slowly turning into an old, fat, gray haired Oscar Madison living in a one room apartment in NYC reheating hot dogs over the radiator.

Number 2: The strongest of primal human urge, to procreate, finally gets through one's thick skull.

And the Number 1 Reason a man in his mid-fifties like David Letterman decides to start a family is that Dave has run out of comic material and has decided to try something more dramatic in his life.

Posted 9/12/03 8pmCT

skirealnews.com